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Big John
Philippines
In the 1970s I was stationed in Yokosuka, Japan onboard the USS Oklahoma City CLG 5. The one port that the majority of sailors loved to visit was Olongapo, in Subic Bay at the south end of Zambales Province in the Philippines. Every time the ship got underway from home port we would visit the Philippines at least twice. This sea story takes place about 8 miles north of Olongapo in a town called Subic City. When I first visited the Philippines Subic City was considered off limits because to get to Subic City you had to take a Jeepney. Drunken sailors were easy prey to getting mugged if they took a jeepney which no locals were riding.
When American troops began to leave the Philippines at the end of World War II, hundreds of surplus Jeeps were sold or given to the Filipinos. The Jeeps were stripped down and altered locally: metal roofs were added for shade, and the vehicles were decorated in vibrant colors with chrome-plated ornaments on the sides and hood. The back part was reconfigured with two long parallel benches with passengers facing each other to accommodate more passengers. To call a jeepney you held your hand out perpendicular to your body and called out "Psst psst".
This ain't no shit
Well, me and my drinking buddies jumped on a jeepney and headed out to Subic City after hitting most of the bars on Magsaysay Street in Olongapo. Now Big John was a very big man. You felt impervious to muggings when you traveled with him. Big John was not fat if you did not take into consideration his beer gut, which was huge. John was not even his real name. We called him that due to his impersonation of John Wayne (as a cowboy) whenever we entered a country western bar that had old fashion swinging bar doors. Best impersonation that I ever saw, hands down. Let's just say, people took notice and buried their heads in their beers when he walked in.
When we reached Subic City, which was a very small town straddling just the one road, we began our rounds of hitting every bar on one side then cross the street to begin our patronage of the bars on the other side. When Big John was good and drunk, he would rest his beer on his belly and doze off. Waking every few minutes to take a swig of his beer. Eventually he got up and walked outside in his perfect John Wayne swagger. After a while I went out to check on him and he was nowhere to be seen. I asked a young lady if she had seen him and was told he jumped on a jeepney and headed back to Olongapo.
Even though Big John was a big man I felt it was dangerous for him to ride alone in his condition. Myself and another shipmate jumped into a jeepney and headed out to find him. The road to Olongapo, at that time, was narrow and hugged the cliff edge along the bay. We came across a jeepney that was off the road and hanging perilously on the cliff edge. Three Filipino lads were trying to wrestle the jeepney back onto the road. We stopped to help until they told us the story that led to their predicament they found themselves in. Apparently, they tried to rob Big John, as they thought he had passed out. When they realized their hubris and Big John smacked a couple of them, they ran off. An irate Big John then grabbed the rear wheel well of the jeepney and rocked it off the road attempting to send it down the cliff side into the bay. Of course, we didn't lend them a hand in getting the jeepney back on the road. We drove off saluting them with an erect finger to convey our concern for their wellbeing. We picked up Big John on the way and took him back to the ship.after hitting a few more bars in Olongapo.
And that my friends, Ain't no shit.
Posted by Stephen M. Roberts 
11.12.2024